When This Fic Author Gets Bored
by Threnody
Summary: Duo convinces the other pilots and Relena to go into a house that's rumored to be haunted. Chaos follows. non-yaoi
1. Introducing VonVamp

  
A.N./Warning: Ok, this is massively random, and yeah...it was the result of extreme boredom. Hopefully it's funny, but I make no guarantees. So expect nothing meaningful from this. You have been warned.  
  
Disclaimers: I don't own Gundam, Street Fighter or Highlander: the Series. [this isn't a crossover, the other 2 are just mentioned along the way]  
  
When This Fic Author Gets Bored  
By Threnody  
  
  
The scene opens on Wufei comforting a young, beautiful, intelligent, and talented woman [who also happens to be writing this fic, so it doesn't really matter if he's acting ooc.]. He gently consoled her, while inside he seethed with rage.  
  
Threnody: So there I am, innocently minding my own business, when in comes my father, his eyes cold and distant. And then he says, "I'm tearing apart my computer just so you can't use the internet." And walks away, ignoring my pleas. *sniff* And so there I was, 7pm and no connections to the outside world! *bursts into tears*  
  
Wufei's arms tightened around her.  
  
Wufei: Injustice!  
  
Heero: What do you think you're doing?  
  
Both glanced up at Heero and blinked. Threnody sniffled again while Wufei quickly stood up and stepped away from Threnody. Heero focused his death glare on Threnody.  
  
Heero: You're supposed to be writing the story.  
  
Threnody: I know. *sniff*  
  
Heero: Then what are you doing here? *deathglare*  
  
Threnody: Um...well, there was no internet...and, um, I was sad, and well, Wufei was here...  
  
Heero turned his deathglare upon Wufei who looked at the ground, his cheeks slightly pink. Heero folded his arms.  
  
Heero: How many times do we have to tell you not to hit on the author?  
  
Wufei: *sputters* I was not hitting on her!!!!  
  
Threnody: Yeah, 'cause he's got Sally Po. I've read it in a million fanfics. And, of course, an adult woman would fall in love with a 15-year-old boy.  
  
Wufei: ahem...  
  
Heero: [glares at Wufei] You get back in The Room. [glares at Threnody] And you start writing the story.  
  
Wufei stalked off.  
  
Threnody: *sniff* Yes sir...  
  
* * *  
Wufei: INJUSTICE!!!!  
  
Duo: Hey relax Wu-man. It's just a game.  
  
Wufei: INJUSTICE!!!!  
  
Quatre: [pats Wufei's shoulder sympathetically] Don't feel too bad Wufei. Chun-li is pretty tough.  
  
In a purple colored rage nifty how rages can have color, huh? Wufei stepped back from the arcade machine and whipped his katana out of...somewhere. Probably the same place Duncan McCleoud keeps his. As he raised his sword to attack the busty, giggling Chun-li, who was doing her little victory dance, Duo, Quatre, and Trowa grabbed him by the arms and pulled him backwards.  
  
Relena sighed while she watched Wufei struggle against the other three. It had been a bad idea to meet at the arcade. But that's what she got for letting Duo pick the meeting place.  
  
~10 mins. later~  
  
Duo: Nice going Wufei. You got us kicked out.  
  
Wufei ignored him, still angry at Chun-li.  
  
Quatre: What should we do now?  
  
Relena: We still need to wait for Heero.  
  
Duo: *rolls his eyes* Relena, you're always waiting for Heero. Haven't you learned yet that he's not gonna show up?  
  
Relena: Heero will always show up if I really need him.  
  
Duo blinked, getting an idea.  
  
Duo: You know, you're right Relena. Heero always seems to show up just when you need him...  
  
He stepped closer to Relena as her said this and Relena looked up at him defiantly. Duo looked down at her with a grin. Without warning he grabbed Relena around the waist and pulled her into his arms. He tilted her head back and passionately kissed her before she could protest.  
  
Quatre: *GASP* Relena!!!  
  
Wufei: *growls* chun-li...  
  
Trowa: ...  
  
The kiss continued a second before...  
  
*POW*  
  
Duo landed painfully on his butt. When the stars cleared from his vision he looked up at the dark figure looming over him.  
  
Heero: Omae wa korosu.   
  
Duo: *chuckles* It was worth it. You know Heero, she's got great lips. You should give them a try sometime. Can we go now?  
  
Relena blushes. Heero glares. Duo laughs. Trowa sighs. Wufei grumbles. Quatre ponders.  
  
Quatre: Heero, where did you come from?  
  
Heero: ...  
* * *  
Threnody: So there I was, another whole night w/o the internet. My Dad still hadn't fixed the problem with his computer. It was horrible. My one escape from the world...well, not really, but still...  
  
Threnody burst into tears.  
  
Quatre: That is so terrible.  
  
He gently took the beautiful woman into his arms, stroking her luxurious hair. He smiled contentedly, holding her tightly. this is fun  
  
Quatre: You poor thing. Don't worry. I'll keep you entertained.  
  
She lifted her tear stained face from his shoulder and gazed into his aqua eyes.  
  
Threnody: Promise?  
  
Quatre tenderly kissed the tears from her eyes. He slowly lowered his face towards hers, lips just inches away. She blinked in anticipation when suddenly a bright light washed over the two and the jumped back guiltily.  
  
Heero: What do you think you're doing?  
  
Quatre: *face glows red* uh...  
  
Heero turned his deathglare at Threnody.  
  
Threnody: Why do always look at me first? Well...I was sad again...and Quatre was here...  
  
Deathglare at Quatre.  
  
Heero: How many times do I have to tell you not to make out with the author?  
  
Quatre turned even redder.  
  
Heero: Now get back in the story.  
  
Quatre nodded and popped out of existence.  
  
Heero glared at Threnody who was playing with the hem of her shirt. After a minute of this she sighed and looked up at Heero who was still glaring at her. She sighed again and stomped out of The Room.  
  
* * *  
  
Relena: Guys, I don't know if this is such a good idea...  
  
Duo: Aw, come on Lena! It's only an abandoned, spooky, house alone in the country with no one around for miles, and it's rumored to haunted. Now how could this be a bad idea?  
  
Relena: *sweatdrop*  
  
Quatre: Don't worry Relena. Heero will protect you!  
  
Heero: *deathglare*  
  
Relena: *blush*  
  
Duo: Come on you guys! Let's go!  
  
Suddenly lighting streaked across the sky, followed immediately by booming thunder. Relena and Quatre squealed and grabbed onto each other. Heero glared at Quatre who quickly let go of Relena.  
  
The young people entered the dark and gloomy house and stopped just inside the doorway. Lightning flashed through the open door, illuminating the dusty, cobweb filled room. Without warning, the door slammed shut, causing Quatre, Relena and Duo to jump. Duo raced to the door and yanked on the handle.  
  
Duo: Guys, it won't open!!  
  
Quatre: What!?!  
  
Quatre ran over and pulled with Duo on the door. At the same time Relena felt a tug at her mind and she walked through the darkness to a lamp that rested on a table. She reached past the cobwebs and pulled the chain. Suddenly the whole room was filled with light causing Duo and Quatre to look up from the door.  
  
Duo: wow...powerful light...  
  
Unknown Voice: Welcome to my sanctuary.  
  
They all whirled toward the voice. Out of the shadows came a tall, dark figure. His hair was black as night, and his skin as pale as snow. He motionlessly glided across the cold brick floor. Relena gasped as he stopped just inches from her. His long, cold fingers calmly grasped her hand in his. Gazing into her eyes he raised her fingers to his lips, softly kissing each one.  
  
Unknown Voice: It is a pleasure to meet you.  
  
From somewhere on his person Heero whipped out a gun and pointed it at the stranger.   
  
Heero: Omae wa korosu.  
  
Before Heero could pull the trigger, the gun disappeared from his hands. He blinked.  
  
Unknown Voice: Please, we do not allow weapons in the house.   
  
Heero blinked again.  
  
Unknown Voice: Please, allow me to introduce myself. I am Baron VonVamp. It is a pleasure to have you here. Please, come into my parlor.  
  
He led Relena by the hand through the large double doors, the rest of the pilots following quickly behind. VonVamp led them into a dark, looming dining hall.  
  
VonVamp: Please, Miss Relena, be seated. Dinner will be ready shortly.  
  
And he walked out of the room.  
  
Duo: Whoa! Is that guy creepy or what?  
  
Quatre: Why are we eating dinner? It's only eleven.  
  
Trowa: And how did he know Relena's name?  
  
Wufei: *mumbles* chun-li...i will have my vengeance...justice will be served...  
  
Relena: Well, we might as well sit down and wait. There's not much else we can do.  
  
* * *  
  
Threnody: You know, being a fanfic author is a lot harder than it seems.  
  
Duo pressed his lips lightly against her neck.  
  
Duo: Uh-huh.  
  
Threnody sighed as he slipped his arms around her waist and gently kissed her closed eyelids.   
  
Threnody: I mean, to make it a good fic, you really have to know the characters and how they would react in the situations you put them in.  
  
Duo: Uh-huh.  
  
Suddenly his lips were on her, giving her a deep, passionate and searing kiss. Oblivious to the light that washed over them they continued kissing.   
  
Heero: What do you think you're doing?  
  
They didn't hear him and continued with their...conversation. Duo slowly sat her down the couch that materialized out of Nowhere. He ran his fingers through her silky hair and gently caressed her jaw with his lips. Threnody sighed softly and wound her arm around his back, teasingly yanking on his braid. He growled and leaned her back against the love seat. She giggled playfully and wrapped her leg around his. Duo smiled at the invitation and leaned down to kiss her.  
  
They were both quite surprised with their lips never met.  
  
Duo: Hey man! Let go of my braid!  
  
Heero had grabbed Duo by the braid and pulled him off of the couch and Threnody. Heero then swung Duo around to face him.  
  
Heero: What do you think you're doing?  
  
Duo: *grins* Ain't it obvious?  
  
Heero glared at Duo, then at Threnody and stomped out of The Room, dragging Duo behind him.  
  
* * *  
  
They had seated themselves at the long table. The finest china and crystal any of them had ever seen was set at each place. Heero was warily looking around the room while keeping an eye on Relena, who was inspecting the china with Quatre. Wufei and Trowa were quietly sitting with their eyes closed. And Duo was waiting expectantly for the food, a fork in one hand and a knife in the other.  
  
Duo: When's the food gonna get here?  
  
Quatre: Duo! Don't be rude. We should be thankful toward our gracious host.  
  
Relena: Well, he may be gracious, but he's is rather creepy. I thought I knew all of the rich families in this area, but I've never heard of VonVamp before. And by the look of things this is old money.  
  
Quatre: I've never heard of him either. And the Winners know everyone wealthy or influential. This is rather odd.  
  
They all sat quietly, contemplating their host.  
  
[their thoughts]  
Relena: He was very charming and suave, but there's something about him I don't trust...  
  
Heero: Three doors. One leads to the kitchen, one to entryway, other unknown. Two windows placed on starboard side of room. Relena is located approximately one meter directly forward. Possible escape routes...  
  
Quatre: I wonder if VonVamp and I will become good friends. He seems awfully nice. I wonder if he likes tea...  
  
Duo: ...food...  
  
Trowa: This could prove to be more challenging than I originally imagined. I hadn't planned on a meal. If I don't get some more gel in my hair soon...  
  
Wufei: Chun-li...I will become stronger...and I will defeat you...you are nothing but a weak woman...you cannot win against Nataku and I...  
  
Alright, so they all weren't contemplating their mysterious host, but at least they were thinking.  
  
At that moment several servants came in, each bearing platters laden with all sorts of food. Delicious aromas filled the dining hall as the food was placed on the table. Duo's eyes grew wide and sparkly as his mouth began to water. He was about to dive into the food when he felt a sharp kick to his shins. He yelped and dropped his fork, reaching under the table to rub his leg. Quatre gave him a menacing look, silently warning him to mind his manners. The servers filled the glasses with a red beverage, then left just as silently as they came. The group sat there, waiting for something. Something that had better come soon if Duo had anything to say about it.  
  
From the unknown door entered VonVamp. He had changed his attire and was now clothed in a completely black tuxedo with a jacket whose tails reached the floor. His long white hair was pulled into a ponytail high on his head, sending strands of hair swirling about his face and shoulders. His pale skin seemed to glow causing his deep black eyes to sparkle.  
  
The whole effect left Relena somewhat breathless. She couldn't look away as he glided over to where she sat. He smirked down at her and she felt a deep blush creep onto her face. Heero felt his body temperature rise and the edges of his vision turned red. He deathglared at the man who was now slightly bowing toward Relena and talking, causing Relena to blush even more. Heero's hand instantly flew to where his extra gun should be, but found nothing.  
  
VonVamp: Please, Mr. Yuy. We will have not of that this evening.  
  
A servant walked in and took the gun from his master's hand.  
  
Heero blinked.  
  
VonVamp: Now, if every thing is taken care of, we will begin the meal.  
  
Heero blinked again.  
  
Duo let out a whoop (which gained a disapproving glare from Quatre) and began piling food on his plate. The others followed at a slower pace. The meal was eaten in a wary silence, interrupted only by Duo's gulping. The table was cleared as the main courses were finished and an interesting looking pudding cake was set in front of them. Duo's eyes sparkled yet again and he greedily attacked the dessert.  
  
VonVamp: I must say, Miss Relena, that you are looking absolutely spectacular this evening. I cannot keep my eyes off you.  
  
Duo suddenly stopped eating. His eyes drifted toward the ceiling and he became lost in thought. In his mind, he pictured a Chibi-Relena running around the table with VonVamp's eyes crawling on her.  
  
Chibi-Relena: Eek! Ew! Get 'em off! Get 'em off! Heero! Help!!  
  
Suddenly a Chibi-Heero pops into Duo's vision. He begins to chase after Chibi-Relena in an attempt to help.   
  
Chibi-Heero: Omae wa korosu!!!  
  
Duo began to giggle uncontrollably, earning an odd look from everyone except for the blushing Relena and the glaring Heero. He was soon laughing so hard that he fell out of his chair. They all looked at Duo's empty chair for a moment then continued with their dessert. Duo picked himself up off the floor, still chuckling and continued to eat.  
  
Relena: Mr. VonVamp, I must say that I'm surprised to see such apparently old wealth here. I hadn't heard of any well-known families in this area.  
  
VonVamp looked slightly uncomfortable for a moment. Silence filled the room as they all looked at VonVamp, waiting for a response. As if on cue a servant entered, announcing that tea and coffee were being served in the library. VonVamp smiled, looking somewhat relieved.  
  
VonVamp: Come, let us retire to the library.  
  
They all stood and followed. Heero glared at VonVamp's back. Something wasn't right. He stepped a little closer to Relena, swearing that he would protect her.  
  
* * *  
  
HEEEEEEROOOO!!!!  
  
Heero: Relena??  
  
Threnody: No stupid, it's me.  
  
Heero glanced down at the exceedingly beautiful woman who grasped his arm. She pulled him down onto the Magic Couch and pouted cutely.  
  
Threnody: Heero, why are you just sitting there? Don't you want to have a...conversation?  
  
She wiggled her eyebrows at him playfully and he immediately thought of betraying The Deal. But he couldn't. Strengthening his resolve he looked away from her and deathglared at the wall.  
  
Heero: It's not your month.  
  
Threnody: Huh?  
  
Suddenly there was a loud POOF and a cloud of pink smoke appeared in front of them. Stepping out of the smoke and coughing cutely was another woman equally matched with Threnody for brains and beauty.  
  
Amy: That's right. This is my month with Heero. How would you like it if I threw myself all over Duo this month??? Now get off Heero!!  
  
Heero extracted himself from Threnody and walked behind Amy, wrapping his arms around her shoulders, pulling her into an embrace. Amy smiled contentedly and sighed as he kissed her neck. A loud coughing interrupted the two and they all looked to where the last of the pink cloud was fading to reveal...  
  
Threnody: Duo?  
  
Amy: Ack! Duo!! What are you doing here?!?!  
  
Threnody: Amy!!! What were you doing with My Duo?!  
  
Amy: The same thing you were doing with My Heero!!!  
  
Amy had pushed away from Heero and now the girls stood facing each other. Sparks were shooting in the air between them as they glared at each other.  
  
Heero and Duo quickly rushed to their respective girls and pulled them away from each other. They had seen the results of their fighting before The Deal had been made. It wasn't pretty. Duo pulled Threnody over to the Magic Couch and Heero sat Amy down on another Magic Couch that appeared.   
  
Duo: Hey, baby, just calm down. She's your best friend, you know. You two shouldn't fight like that.  
  
Threnody: Duo! What were you doing over there? How could you betray me like that? This is MY month with you!  
  
Duo: Hey, relax! Amy tricked me. You know I wouldn't do something like that to you.  
  
Threnody: *sniff* Really?  
  
Duo: Hey, I might run and hide, but I never tell a lie. That's me in a nutshell.  
  
Threnody: Oh Duo!  
  
Duo smiled and leaned her back against the Magic Couch, continuing their...conversation where it had left off. On the other Magic Couch, Amy and Heero's...conversation had gone much the same way.  
  
Suddenly a bright light washed over the two couples. Amy and Threnody blinked several times, Heero and Duo seemed not to notice. Silently Trowa entered the Room. He quietly surveyed the Room and shook his head. He walked over to the first Magic Couch and roughly grabbed Duo's braid and hauled him off the couch. Walking over to the second Magic Couch he grabbed Heero by the waistband of his spandex and yanked him off the couch. Without a word, Trowa drug them out of the room.  
  
Amy and Threnody: Trowa!!!  
  
They both sat there pouting and looking adorable. After a moment Amy stood and sighed. With another POOF! and pink smoke she was gone again. Threnody sighed also and made her way back to the keyboard.  
  
* * *  
  
They all settled themselves in the library. Quatre and Relena sat upon the couch with VonVamp, sipping tea. Heero settled himself against a wall, his glare shifting from VonVamp to Relena. Wufei and Trowa were engaged in a game of chess and Duo walked around, randomly touching things. He soon tired of this though, and walked over to where Wufei and Trowa sat. He stood directly behind Wufei, amused by the serious expression he wore on his face. With a mischievous grin, he began to repeatedly poke Wufei. At first Wufei ignored him, not letting the braided pilot get to him.   
  
With a mischievous grin he began to repeatedly poke Wufei. At first Wufei ignored him, not letting the braided pilot get to him. But when he began to lose the chess match, Wufei could stand it no longer. With an angry cry he leapt up from his chair and grabbed the front of Duo's shirt.  
  
Wufei: STOP POKING ME!!!!!!  
  
Duo: Ha! I found a weakness!!! Bwa ha ha! Oh, this is rich! I'll never forget this one buddy!  
  
Wufei stopped when he realized what had happened. He had revealed a weakness to his greatest enemy. He roughly shoved Duo away, and walked quickly over to the nearest wall, leaning against it and closed his eyes. How could he let this happen, he thought to himself. Now Duo would constantly poke him, and he'd grow even weaker. This would require special training. He began to form his plan, which required months of conditioning and meditation. He must grow stronger, and overcome this.  
  
Pleased with his work, Duo turned his mischief making energies toward the rest of the room. Before he could cause any more trouble he spotted a plateful of cookies on the platter that held the tea. With a delighted gasp and sparkly eyes, Duo gleefully attacked the plate of cookies.  
  
VonVamp: So, Miss Relena, what do you think of my estate?  
  
Relena: Well, it's very...expansive.  
  
VonVamp: Here, I'd like to show you something.  
  
He quickly stood up, too quickly and his tea sloshed over the edge of his cup and spilled onto Relena's skirt. Relena gasped and stood up, pulling the scalding fabric away from her skin. VonVamp jumped up as well, apologizing and dabbing the liquid with his napkin. Quatre stood up to help as well, looking concernedly at Relena. Heero however was staring suspiciously at VonVamp. It didn't seem like the spilt tea was an accident, but what purpose would he have for getting Relena wet?  
  
VonVamp: Oh, dear. I'm so very sorry Miss Relena. I feel just awful. How clumsy of me. Here, I'll show to the washroom where you can clean up.  
  
Relena: Thank you, Mr. VonVamp. And please, don't feel bad. Accidents do happen.  
  
VonVamp nodded his thanks and led her out of the room. The five pilots stared after them, each of them suspicious of their dark host.   
  
Duo: *mumbling between cookies* You know, I don't think this guy is trustworthy.  
  
Wufei: Oh really? Whatever gave you that impression, baka?  
  
Duo glared at Wufei and threw a cookie at him. Wufei just caught the cookie, crumbling it in his hand and dropping the crumbs on the ground. Angry at Wufei for wasting a cookie, Duo picked up the platter that the cookies were served on and chucked it at his head. Wufei caught that as well and threw it back at Duo, who wasn't as reflexive as Wufei and it hit him on the forehead. Duo cried out in pain and surprise and lunged at Wufei. Wufei met him eagerly, still angry at Duo for finding a weakness. They rolled on the floor for a while, muttered curses and insults could be heard. Quatre hovered over the two, desperately trying to get them to stop. When they finally wore out, they sat on the floor, battered, bruised, gulping for air and glaring at each other. Quatre breathed a sigh of relief, and his thoughts returned to Miss Relena.  
  
Quatre: It seems like Miss Relena has been gone for quite a while. I hope she's all right. Maybe one of us should go look for her. Heero, why don't you...Heero? Hey, where's Heero?  
  
Trowa: We'd better look for them. If VonVamp tries anything, Heero might do something we'll regret.  
  
* * *  
  
Threnody hesitantly approached the Magic Couch and sat down next stoic Trowa. They sat in an uncomfortable silence for a moment. Threnody cleared her throat and decided to make some sort of conversation.  
  
Threnody: You know Trowa, you're always so quite, and I was wondering how come?  
  
Trowa: I only speak when I feel there is a need to say something.  
  
Threnody: Oh. Well, I guess that makes sense.  
  
Silence fell over them once again. Threnody couldn't help but stare into those deep emerald eyes of his. He sat there, staring into space, thinking deep thoughts that she could only begin to imagine. She studied his strong profile and a flutter came to her stomach. He was so mysterious, just like his face she only ever saw half of what he was. She leaned in closer, trying to glimpse at the man behind the bangs.  
  
Trowa had noticed her staring and leaning. He wasn't quite sure how to react to this woman. He was beginning to feel a bit claustrophobic and nervous as to the girl's intentions. When he couldn't take it any longer, he turned to face the girl and find out what exactly it was she wanted. Things didn't go exactly as he had planned.  
  
Threnody: OW!!! My eye! Trowa!! How much gel do you use?!  
  
Trowa blinked in surprise as Threnody clasped a hand over her injured eye. He gently placed a hand on her shoulder to see if she was all right when a bright light washed over them both.  
  
Heero: What do you think you're-  
  
Threnody: Oh, shut up.   
  
With that she stood and walked out of The Room, muttering about ice, gel, and vengeance. Heero and Trowa silently looked at each other for a moment, before they nodded and popped out of existence.  
  
* * *  
  
Relena looked down at her skirt. The stain had washed out and she hadn't been burned. However she didn't feel comfortable with being alone with their host. He creeped her out. He was so dark and mysterious, and he'd taken more than just a friendly interest in her. She sighed and walked out of the washroom, pasting a fake smile upon her lips.  
  
VonVamp: Are you all right, Miss Relena?  
  
Relena: Yes, thank you.  
  
VonVamp: Then we shall return to the library and rejoin the others.  
  
They began the trek back to the library in a wary silence. Out of the corner of her eye, Relena could see VonVamp watching her, and odd smile on his face. She began to wonder if the "accidental" spilling of the tea wasn't as accidental as she thought. She felt sure she was right when she realized that they were not going back to the library.  
  
Relena: Mr. VonVamp, where are we going?  
  
VonVamp: *smiling coyly* Oh, there was just something I wanted to show you, Miss Relena.  
  
Relena stopped in the hall, about to insist that they rejoin the others, when his eyes began to glow red. She gasped, placing a hand to her mouth and a scream caught in her throat. She tried to turn and run, but her feet refused to obey her. VonVamp stepped closer to her, the red glow spreading over his entire body.  
  
VonVamp: You know, Miss Relena, you really have quite an amazing energy. It's so strong, youthful, and...delicious.  
  
He placed a hand on her chest and the red glow spread to her body. She gasped in pain and surprise. It seemed as though the only part of herself that she retained control to was her eyes. She glared at VonVamp with contempt and malice, knowing that this would not go on for long. And she was right. Not long after he began to drain her energy he found that he had a fist buried in his gut. VonVamp doubled over slightly, and looked up to see Heero's foot sailing toward his face. His foot connected solidly and VonVamp slumped to the floor. As he did, the red glow left Relena and her legs gave way at the sudden weight that returned. Heero deftly caught her in his arms before she hit the floor and steadied her on her feet. Smiled at him gratefully, and he allowed himself the barest whisper of a nod in response. Heero grunted in surprise when a clawed hand snaked out and grabbed the front of his shirt. Apparently, VonVamp had not been as unconscious as he thought. Heero wrestled with him for a moment before VonVamp was able to throw him off and made his way back toward Relena.  
  
Heero: Relena! Run!  
  
Trusting Heero's judgement (and her own fear), Relena took off in the direction she thought the library was. It was soon clear however that VonVamp had the advantage, and he was gaining on her. Hoping to alert the other pilots, she screamed as loud as she could. With an enraged howl, VonVamp leapt at her, tackling her to the ground. She cried out as he put a hand between her shoulder blades and the red glow began to encompass her again.  
  
Upon hearing her scream the other pilots began racing toward the direction her voice came from. They rounded the corner and stopped in surprise. In addition to the red glow, VonVamp seemed to have grown a foot, and his skin had grown even paler. He turned his glare toward the boys and growled.  
  
VonVamp: If you value your lives you will leave.  
  
Without a second thought, the four pilots rushed at VonVamp. By this time Heero had caught up to them, and joined them in the fight. They managed to pull him off of Relena, who had been drained of quite a bit of energy. Duo and Trowa managed to grab onto his arms, but were not having much success of keeping him still. He angrily fought against Wufei and Heero as they lunged at him. Quatre had jumped onto his back and was repeatedly hitting VonVamp's head. Though none of it seemed to be slowing him down, for VonVamp had grown stronger as well as taller and creepier. Heero stood back for a moment, breathing heavily. This wasn't working, they weren't winning against him. They needed to try something else. VonVamp jerked violently, knocking Quatre off his back and swinging Duo around. Suddenly getting an idea Heero ran around to VonVamp's back, and latched himself on tightly. Reaching over he grabbed Duo's braid and wrapped it around VonVamp's neck as tight as he could.  
  
Duo: OW! Hey, what are you doing you fool!! That's my hair! Ow!   
  
Heero ignored Duo's protests and pulled harder on the braid. VonVamp began to gasp for air and thrash about violently. Duo was making as much noise as VonVamp and holding the base of his neck. After a while, VonVamp began to lose strength and slowly fall to the ground. Heero held the braid in place a moment longer then released it. Duo instantly snatched his head back, and massaged his injured scalp, glaring at Heero. Heero checked VonVamp's pulse then looked up at the one-eyed pilot.  
  
Heero: Trowa, go find something to tie him up with.  
  
Trowa nodded but before he could leave VonVamp began to glow red again, and he slowly dissolved into the ground. They all stared wide-eyed at the spot where VonVamp used to be. The house around them began to change as well. The furniture seemed to grow older and the house fell into disrepair. Beams began to fall and the whole thing seemed to age 100 years in just a few seconds. Heero picked up Relena and they all raced out of the house before it collapsed around them. Just as they made it to the front lawn, the building fell down around its foundation. They stood around, breathing heavily and recovering from the adrenaline rush. Heero gently placed Relena on the ground and made sure she was steady before he let go. Duo stomped over to Heero, jabbing a finger in his chest.  
  
Duo: That. Was. My. Hair.  
  
Heero: Hn...  
  
Quatre: What happened to VonVamp? Is he dead?  
  
Trowa: I don't think so Quatre.  
  
Relena: Will he be back?  
  
Trowa: Possibly.  
  
Duo: That. Was. My. Hair.  
  
Quatre: Don't worry about it Duo. I'm sure Heero would be more than happy to make it up to you by buying us all dinner. Won't you Heero?  
  
Heero: Hn...  
  
The thought of food seemed to calm Duo down. The teenagers gathered themselves together to leave the creepy place out in the middle of nowhere. Relena had ripped a strip of cloth off of her dress and was now wrapping it around Heero's arm.  
  
Heero: What are you doing? I wasn't hurt.  
  
Relena: I know. But it just wouldn't be the same if I didn't do this after you saved me.  
  
Duo: Relena, you've got some problems.  
  
Quatre: Hey, where's Wufei?  
  
Trowa: He left a minute ago, muttering about poking, strength, and Chun-li.  
  
Duo: Ooh! He's gone back to the arcade! And I can poke him some more!  
  
Thoughts of food abandoned, Duo rushed back to the arcade, Trowa and Quatre following at a slower pace. Relena just shook her head and smiled at Heero. She linked her arm through his and together they walked into the sunset.  
  
* * *  
  
Threnody: Woohoo! It's finally done! Chock full of corny jokes and cheesy endings. Ya gotta love it.  
  
The entire cast, including Threnody and Amy, were gathered in The Room for a celebratory party. They mingled and laughed, each drinking a red beverage.   
  
Threnody: Well Reader, thanks for sticking it through 'til the end. It was one odd ride, ne? This was my first humor fic so let me know if it was funny, or if I should never write comedy again. Thanks everyone.  
  



	2. Part Deux

A.N./Warning: Oops, I did it again. Yeah, I wrote a sequel. Nothing I'd planned on, but the mood hit me, so I wrote. It's just as random. A little different since it was 2 years ago that I wrote the first. Still can't quite believe that. Little bit of language, not much. I'm not a man hater, honest. It was just a comedic devise.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or any of its characters. Yet another harsh reminder of my mundane existence. Will of the Macrocosm was borrowed from Excel Saga, yet another anime that I don't own. But it's on a lot of crack. Highly recommended. Um, don't own pokemon either. Or anything other than Threnody, Amy, and VonVamp. Enjoy.  
  
When This Fic Author Gets Bored, Part Deux By Threnody  
  
Threnody laid face down on the Magic Couch as WuFei's strong hands worked at the knotted muscles in her back. She sighed and relaxed her bare back into his experienced fingers.  
  
Threnody: Ya know, WuFei, I've definitely earned this. Two years of devotion and love and he kicks me to the curb the moment a new piece of tail shows up.  
  
WuFei: *growls* Such injustice cannot be tolerated! To bring such dishonor and shame on your house. This creature is lower than scum!  
  
Threnody: *sweat drop* Dishonor? Shame? Way to make a girl feel good Wuffie.  
  
Suddenly a door opened and light flooded over them both. WuFei looked up but continued massaging the girl's back. Heero leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed in front of him.  
  
Threnody: Do you always have to interrupt me when I'm having.conversations with you boys?  
  
Heero: We've got a problem. VonVamp's manager contacted us. It seems that his contract promised an appearance in a sequel. And his allotted time has almost expired.  
  
Threnody groaned and sat up, letting WuFei's hands trail down her arms coming to rest at her waist. She leaned back against his strong chest, his arms supporting her.  
  
Threnody: Are you saying I've gotta write a sequel to "Bored" starring VonVamp? Again? Forget it. Besides, I'm not bored.  
  
She smiled up at WuFei and she returned it, kissing her bare shoulders gently.  
  
Heero: If you don't honor the contract you'll be forced to MST lemons. You formed the agreement yourself.  
  
Threnody's eyes went wide. She jumped off the Magic Couch and headed to the Keyboard as fast as she could.  
  
Threnody: You two get out of here. This fic starts now.  
  
Heero smirked slightly as he and WuFei popped out of existence.  
  
* * *  
  
Duo padded sleepily out of his room, yawning and rubbing his eyes. For some inexplicable reason all the Gundam boys had decided to get a house and live together. He wasn't really sure why, since they didn't really get along.at all. An oval shape piece of space with two arms and well manicured nails floated across the bottom of the screen.  
  
Will of the Macrocosm: Fanfic authors and I have the same power. Watch out Pe-chan! Here I come!  
  
Duo blinked a couple of times but shrugged and made his way toward the kitchen to get some coffee. He found his journey cut short when his face connected with the floor. He cursed and looked back at his ankles to see video game cords tangled his feet. Following the cord he saw WuFei sitting on the floor staring intently at the TV screen. Duo followed his gaze and saw he was playing against Chun-Li.again.  
  
Duo: Aw man, WuFei! How many times do ya gotta beat that chick before you'll be convinced that you're superior to a bunch of pixels and a computer chip?  
  
WuFei: I must not allow any weakness. I must be constantly ready for any attack. My skills will be sharp, I will not fail again.  
  
Duo: Ya know, you're looking kinda heavy in the hips. You're still training your body still, right?  
  
WuFei: Silence, fool! You know nothing of the true ways of a warrior!  
  
Duo: Yeah, whatever man.  
  
Duo stood up, kicking the wires from his legs and continued his trek to the kitchen. He started the coffee and the other Gundam boys woke up, minus Heero. Quatre stumbled out wearing pajamas that had chibi-designs of the Gundam boys and Relena in various cute poses. He wandered into the kitchen grabbing his favorite Pokemon mug.  
  
Quatre: Where's Heero?  
  
Duo: Dunno. Probably watching Relena's balcony or some other crazy thing like that. That guy's just gotta wake up and marry that girl.  
  
Quatre nodded in agreement and sipped his coffee. They both jumped as the front door slammed open. WuFei shouted something in Chinese and dropped the controller, jumping to his feet. Relena stood there, gasping for breath, fear in her eyes.  
  
Relena: HEEEEEEEEERO!!!  
  
Duo: Dammit woman! Don't yell so loud we're all right here!  
  
WuFei rose slowly, the purple-colored rage taking over once again. Chun-Li danced on the screen fingers forming a "V" as she jumped up and down. He looked at Relena and growled, pulling his katana from.somewhere. He charged toward Relena, sword raised.  
  
WuFei: It's you fault that I am weak! Die woman!  
  
Heero appeared quite suddenly in front of Relena, gun raised. He shot WuFei squarely between the eyes. WuFei fell to the floor, dead, with an "X" where his eyes should be. The small blue galaxy with arms floated by again.  
  
Will of the Macrocosm: Love and Peace! Love and Peace!  
  
WuFei rose and rubbed his head.  
  
Quatre: Where did you come from, Heero?  
  
Heero: .  
  
* * *  
  
Threnody's entire body shook with her sobbing. She burned her face in Quatre's chest and he delicately ran his fingers through her silken hair. Violin music played softly in the background.  
  
Threnody: I gave and I gave and all he ever did was break every promise he ever made to me! And he wasn't even sorry! He broke my heart and he didn't care! He promised to love me forever, and now he's telling some other harlot he'll love her forever!  
  
Quatre pulled her closer, speaking softly and placing gentle kisses on her cheeks.  
  
Quatre: There, there my darling. I know it hurts. It's all right to cry. Just let it all out.  
  
Threnody snuggled closer and the sobs quieted. A bright light flooded over them. Quatre looked up apologetically and Threnody snuggled deeper into Quatre, trying to hide. Heero walked up and death glared at her.  
  
Quatre: Heero, go easy on her. She's still torn up over the idiot who used her. I know it's been 2 months already, but she's still hurting inside.  
  
Heero continued to glare at her until she sat up and wiped the tears from her eyes, frowning at Heero.  
  
Threnody: How did you know I was faking it so I could get "sympathy" from Quatre?  
  
Quatre blinked in surprise and blushed slightly.  
  
Heero: Because I spend six months out of the year with you. Quatre, back in the fic. *pop* You, back to work.  
  
Threnody: *pout* Yes, sir.  
  
* * *  
  
The five boys gathered around Relena concernedly, WuFei still rubbing his head. Quatre stood close to her worriedly. Trowa was ever silent. Duo munched on a pop tart and Heero carefully put his gun away.  
  
Quatre: Relena, what's wrong?  
  
The young woman held up a shaky hand. In it was clasped a small card. Quatre took the card from her and scanned the contents. Duo read over his shoulder.  
  
Duo: So what? It's an invitation to some party.  
  
Relena: Yes, but look whom the invitation is extended from?  
  
Quatre: Baron VanderVillon? What's wrong with him?  
  
Relena: The initials! And the title. Baron V.V. It's him! I know it! VonVamp has returned  
  
Organ music played in the distance as lightning flashed across the sky, followed immediately by thunder.  
  
Quatre: But it's not raining.  
  
Duo: Aw, c'mon Relena. That guy is so dead. We killed him ages ago. It couldn't possibly be him.  
  
WuFei: For once the idiot is right. He was a weak opponent who was easily defeated. He no longer poses a threat. You are being irrational, woman.  
  
Relena frowned sternly at the men as Quatre walked over to an open window and gazed up at the sky.  
  
Quatre: There aren't even any clouds.  
  
Relena: I am not being irrational, WuFei. There was never a body. We don't know if he's dead or not. You are being pigheaded. Now is the perfect time for him to return.  
  
Trowa: Why?  
  
Relena: Because his contract is almost-OW!  
  
She stopped as a stack of bound papers fell on her head and down into her hands. She looked at the book entitled "Script of 'Bored: part deux.'" She paged through it and read silently for a moment. WuFei rolled his eyes and Duo opened another package of pop tarts. Quatre wandered back over still looking bewildered.  
  
Relena: *reading voice* Because this is the time when we would least expect an attack and the world politically tense, meaning my presence is necessary in the political world.  
  
The script popped out of existence.  
  
Duo: Aw, you're just being paranoid, Lena. He ain't comin' back. You're just trying to get Heero to be you date for the party.  
  
Relena blushed and Heero glared at the braided pilot.  
  
Quatre: What an excellent idea Duo! Miss Relena, Heero could escort you to the party and protect you should anything happen. In fact, we could all go! It would be such fun!  
  
WuFei: What?! Are you insane! Do you think we all have nothing better to do than go to stupid social parties?  
  
They all stared at him for a moment as if waiting for him to make a point. He sighed and folded his arms across his chest in consent. Relena smiled happily at them.  
  
Relena: Thank you so much! All of you! I've got the cutest tuxedos picked out for all of you!  
  
Duo: Wait a sec.  
  
* * *  
  
Threnody stood with her back to Duo, head lowered, biting her bottom lip. A slight breeze from and unknown source blew through her luxurious hair, carrying cherry blossom petals with it.  
  
Threnody: Oh, Duo. Was it I? Did I do something wrong? Why did it have to be like this? Wasn't I good enough for him?  
  
Duo stepped forward and wrapped his strong arms around her, pulling her close to him. He trailed kisses down her neck.  
  
Duo: Aw, sexy, it ain't your fault. You just need some *singing* "sexual heeeealing".  
  
He wiggled his eyebrows and playfully pushed her down onto the Magic Couch that materialized from nothing. She laughed and turned to kiss him as they started a new "conversation."  
  
A bright light washed over them, and again they ignored it. Heero walked up and shook his head, grabbing the braid he pulled a yelping Duo toward the door. Threnody gasped and yelped as well trying to sit up and straighten her clothes.  
  
Threnody: Heero! Heero wait! Just cause I don't wanna MST lemons doesn't mean I don't want to star in one! Duo, come back! Heero! You jerk!  
  
Duo: Aw c'mon man! It was just starting to get good!  
  
The door slammed and Threnody "harrumphed" her way back to the keyboard, buttoning her shirt back up.  
  
* * *  
  
The five Gundam boys and Relena sat in the limo. The boys were dressed in the finest tuxedos, each reflecting the boy's personality. Duo's was a long tailed tux with a preacher's collar. Heero and Trowa wore a more traditional tuxedo with straight lines, harsh and angular. Quatre's was a bit softer; he wore a pale yellow shirt underneath. WuFei wore a traditional Chinese dress shirt made of the finest red silk. Relena blushed as she gazed at the handsome men around her. (And by blushed I mean drooled.) Her own dress was a simple white satin gown that came high up on her neck but left her arms bare. Duo winked at her.  
  
Duo: Lookin' hot, sexy momma.  
  
Quatre: Duo!  
  
Heero: Omae wa korosu.  
  
And he pulled out a gun and shot Duo. They all blinked and stared at the braided pilot's corpse. Heero crossed his arms and leaned back against the seat with his eyes closed. The blue piece of space floated by.  
  
Will of the Macrocosm: Heero-chan! No more killing people! Especially the main characters!  
  
Duo sat up straight and rubbed his head.  
  
Duo: When do we eat?  
  
Quatre: Eat?! You just died and came back to life! And all you can think about is food?  
  
Duo: Yup.  
  
Quatre shook his head. The limo pulled to a stop as they reached the large, looming mansion at the top of a hill on the outskirts of town. A few bats flew overhead as they exited the limousine. Several expensive cars were parked around the garage area. Relena latched herself to Heero's arm and the six young people headed inside.  
  
The house was as grandiose inside as it was outside. Every thing looked antique and artifacts lined each wall. Relena raised her eyebrows at the sight and nodded in approval. Attendants lead them to a ballroom where many people were already gathered dancing, talking and eating. Duo bolted straight to the buffet table when he saw it. Trowa said something to Heero then wandered off. WuFei left as well and found a wall to lean against with his eyes closed. Heero and Quatre stayed with Relena as she mingled. Quatre chatted occasionally but Heero kept an eye out, ignoring the many women who asked him to dance. He ended up getting slapped twice and had a glass of water thrown in his face. Things hadn't gone quite as he had planned.  
  
Eventually the host found his way to them. He was a tall man, who looked incredibly like VonVamp, only his hair was black and his skin tan rather than pale.  
  
VanderVillon: Ah! Relena Peacecraft! What an honor it is to have you here. I cannot express how overjoyed I am.  
  
He raised both her hands to his lips and kissed them. Relena looked uncertainly towards Quatre, but smiled at their host.  
  
Relena: Baron VanderVillon. It's an honor to meet you. I was quite surprised to receive your invitation, especially since we had not previously been introduced.  
  
He smiled at her, but something sinister lay behind his pleasant demeanor.  
  
VanderVillon: Oh come now, my dear. Everyone has heard of the beautiful Relena Peacecraft. Your success and triumphs have been legendary.  
  
Relena blushed and glanced at Heero. He was staring suspiciously at the Baron. Quatre appeared uneasy as well. The room seemed to grow quiet.  
  
Relena: I thank you for greeting us personally, but surely you have other guests to attend to?  
  
VanderVillon: Other guests? Why my dear, you are the Guest of Honor. No one else matters.  
  
Relena: Guest of Honor? I wasn't aware-  
  
VanderVillon: This may be my last chance to kill the little tramp that sent me to hell for two years.  
  
Before anyone could react [though Heero had his gun half drawn] the other guests turned into hideous demons and several restrained each of the boys. Relena stood frozen in fear, staring wide-eyed as VanderVillon's hair faded to white and his skin grew pale as death. It was.VonVamp!  
  
Lightning crash. Thunderclap.  
  
Relena: You're not VanderVillon!! You're VonVamp!!  
  
VonVamp: How astute my darling Princess. No wonder they made you Queen of the World. And now, my dear, it is time for you to meet your just desserts.  
  
Duo popped up, arms full of food.  
  
Duo: Did someone say dessert?  
  
He was quickly jumped by five demon creatures. VonVamp laughed maniacally and threw his cape open, enveloping Relena.  
  
* * *  
  
Threnody and Heero sat on the Magic Couch, Threnody tracing circles on his thigh.  
  
Threnody: Heero.I know it's your month with Amy, but you know about the Time of Crisis Clause.and well, I'm still having a crisis and I definitely need some comforting.  
  
Heero's lip twitched slightly but he leaned down and pressed his lips against the young woman's full lips. As they began their own "conversation", neither of them noticed the *POOF* of the pink smoke that drifted over them. Threnody looked up when she heard the "tap, tap, tap." of someone's foot. She yelped when she saw who it was and shoved Heero off the Couch. He landed on his butt with a solid *thump*.  
  
Threnody: A-amichan.  
  
Amy: Don't try to play innocent with me, woman! And don't give me any of that Time of Crisis Clause crap. I know full well that you aren't at that stage of pain anymore. And you! [points at Heero] You were far too willing to agree to the Clause. I think we're going to have a long "conversation" about loyalty.  
  
They petite beauty grabbed him by the waistband of his spandex and *poofed* away in pink smoke.  
  
Threnody: Hey! Wait! I still need him to finish the fic! Amichaaaaaaan! Gomen nasaaaaaaaaai!!  
  
Heero *poofed* back a moment later with lipstick kisses on his cheeks and a note pined to his green tank top. It read:  
  
He's mine. Touch him and die. I mean it. ~Amy  
  
Threnody sighed and smacked Heero's butt as he popped out of existence. She shuffled back the keyboard and continued typing.  
  
* * *  
  
They were taken to a dungeon below the house. Four of the Gundam boys were chained to the wall. Trowa was nowhere to be found. Relena was delicately restrained to an oversized, red, velvet plush throne. VonVamp stood imposingly next to a small cluster of demons.  
  
VonVamp: Find the last boy. Failure will be rewarded with death. [turns toward Relena] Now, my beauteous Princess, I do hope you've fared well over the last two years. I'd hate to give you the satisfaction of ending a miserable life. You might thank me. And I don't believe my constitution could take that.  
  
Duo: Hey! Shut yer pie hole, ya bastard! There ain't no way that you're gonna kill Relena. Ya undead freak! You're not even the good undead. If you were a zombie I could forgive ya cause zombies are cool. You're just a stupid vampire. Not even a good vampire. All you suck is energy. What kind of vampire doesn't suck blood? Loser undead freak!  
  
VonVamp's eyebrow twitched. He snapped his fingers and three demons immediately appeared at his side.  
  
VonVamp: Take care of the loud-mouthed, obnoxious one.  
  
The three demons cackled evilly and slowly approached Duo. They meticulously crept upon the youth, sharp teeth glistening with saliva. They snapped him as they approached. Duo met them with an unwavering gaze, ready to face whatever they could dish up. They stopped just short of the man, bared their fangs and pounced.  
  
Duo: Hey! Ow! Don't touch me there! Ohh.hey.heehee. Ah! *laugh, snort* Hey, that tickles! Ooh! HAHAHA! Hey, stoppit!  
  
VonVamp sighed and shook his head turning back to the young woman. While the demons were distracted Heero reached up and touched a button against his cufflink, a small blade shot out of it. He began cutting the chains. VonVamp stared at Relena for a moment, pacing in front of her. Duo's laughter could still be heard in the background.  
  
VonVamp: I'm trying to decide if I should allow myself the indulgence of slicing up your delicate flesh, or draining the very soul from your body. It is a rather difficult choice. One is so messy, and yet satisfying. The other causes you longer pain however, and I get to watch the fear in your eyes as you die.  
  
Relena's eyes widened and she gasped as VonVamp closed in on her.  
  
* * *  
  
Threnody hiccupped and threw herself down on Trowa's lap. The one- eyed pilot blinked his one eye and stared down at the intoxicated woman, unsure of how to proceed.  
  
Threnody: Sho ya shee, Twowa, it washn't my fault at all. *hiccup* Ih dhid eveyting wite. An' he shtill abanded me. I jush don' know what I kin do about it. I mish him, but I hate him. Will you help me get ohver 'im?  
  
She leaned in closely, resting her head against Trowa's chest. He grabbed her shoulders, and semi proper her up. He looked very uncomfortable and quite cute. Threnody leaned closer, lips puckered when light flooded them both. Threnody didn't notice it in her state and ended up planting a kiss on Trowa's shoulder. She took advantage of the situation and snuggled into him. Heero walked up and death glared at the girl. Trowa looked up at him, frowning as well. Heero walked over and picked up the bottle she had been drinking from. He sniffed it, frowned again, and took a drink. Threnody looked worried. Heero turned his death glare back on her.  
  
Heero: This is Cherry 7-Up. You're not drunk.  
  
Threnody: Oh for crying out loud! I can't ever get this guy to lay a hand on me! He's tall and handsome and mysterious. And I'm freakin' gorgeous. I was hoping if I was drunk then he'd take advantage of the situation, but nooooo. He's gotta be all honorable and crap. Well forget it! I give up!  
  
She stomped out of the room leaving the boys alone. They nodded to each other and popped out of existence.  
  
* * *  
  
VonVamp trailed his fingers down Relena's cheek and down her neck, coming to rest on her collarbone. She shivered under his touch and a familiar red glow began emanating from her. She raised her eyes to meet VonVamp's. He sneered at her but she met his gaze firmly, trusting whole- heartedly that her rescue would soon arrive. She was sadly mistaken however, since no guy is trustworthy, or ever keeps their promises. So she died. And Heero sat around on his ass, like the lazy bum that all men are and-  
  
Will of the Macrocosm: Threnody-chan! No letting personal biases affect the storyline. You know better!  
  
Threnody: *sigh* yes ma'am.  
  
She raised her eyes to meet VonVamp's. He sneered at her but she met his gaze firmly, trusting whole-heartedly that her rescue would soon arrive.  
  
VonVamp: You may be strong now, my dear, but there is no one to rescue you. My minions are far too strong. You shan't escape.  
  
Relena: You seem to have forgotten one essential fact, Baron VonVamp.  
  
VonVamp: Oh? And whatever could that be.  
  
Relena: Good always wins.  
  
Trowa came flying down from the rafters, doing many acrobatic flips and landing between Relena and VonVamp. The vampire gasped and backed away, snarling at the man. Heero broke away from his chains and rushed towards them. He and Trowa circled VonVamp.  
  
Trowa: Give it up, VonVamp. There's no way that you can beat us. You're not nearly as powerful as you were two years ago.  
  
VonVamp: *laughing darkly* Oh, really? Perhaps your hair has impaired your judgment, my dear Gundam pilot. For I am ten times stronger than ever before!  
  
VonVamp began to grunt and yell. [raising his power level of course.] His form grew larger, his clothing ripping at the seems. His skin turned red and horns grew from his forehead. He stood before the surprised youngsters, his laugh echoing evilly.  
  
VonVamp: There is no way you can hope to defeat me! Prepare to die, mortals!  
  
The vicious battle ensued. The boys fought bravely against the monster, but it was soon apparent that they would need help. A claw ripped out, striking Heero across his arm. He grunted but continued fighting. Relena gasped, and tears filled her eyes. She could not stand by and watch her Heero be killed. She struggled against her bonds and managed to break free of them with surprising ease. She knocked the throne over and began stomping on one of the legs until it broke off.  
  
Relena: Heero! Catch!  
  
She threw the stake towards Heero and he caught it mid-flight. He glanced over at her eyebrow raised and nodded. She blushed slightly and looked away. Heero's attention was brought suddenly back to the present as one VonVamp's hands clasped him tightly and lifted him off the ground. Trowa had been knocked to the ground and looked slightly dazed. VonVamp pulled Heero in close, staring him in the eyes.  
  
VonVamp: I'm going to squash you like the annoying bug that you are. No longer will you be a thorn in my side, boy! Die!  
  
Heero dragged himself out of VonVamp's grasped and lunged toward his chest, stake out like a spear. Heero: Omae wa korosu.  
  
The stake plunged into VonVamp's chest, spurting fiery blood over the ground. The demons left in the room howled and melted into a pile of ash. VonVamp clawed at his chest, a shocked look on his face. He stumbled backwards and Heero hit the ground, tucking into a roll. A large fiery pit opened up behind VonVamp, quite conveniently. Dark, glistening snakes wrapped themselves around VonVamp's limbs. His eyes closed and the snakes dragged him down into the flames, the chasm closing behind them.  
  
Relena ran over to where Heero sat, kneeling down next to him she looked concernedly into his eyes. The mansion slowly began to age around them. Heero met Relena's eyes and simply nodded. She grabbed the hem of her dress, and ripped a long strip off of it. She tied it around his arm, carefully so not to cause him more pain.  
  
Heero: My injury is on the other arm.  
  
Relena's eyes widened and her face glowed red. She took the bandage of and clumsily wrapped it around the other arm. The other three pilots walked up, strange black goo around their wrists.  
  
Duo: The chains kinda melted on us. Kinda cool, actually.  
  
Quatre: Ew, ew, ew. It's gross!  
  
Trowa: We should evacuate. From the looks of things this mansion is not dissimilar to the last one we encountered with VonVamp. It will most likely collapse.  
  
A large ceiling tile fell to the ground with a loud crash. Duo jumped back from where it had almost hit him.  
  
Duo: Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.  
  
Heero gathered Relena in his arms and they all raced for the exit. They made it out just seconds before the house collapsed. Heero gently placed Relena down and the walked toward their limo. The cars that had been there earlier were now piles of the black goo. No evidence of a party, or house existed.  
  
Duo: Where does this guy get these mansions?  
  
Quatre: Home shopping channel perhaps? You know, I saw the cutest porcelain Pikachu the other day.  
  
The mention of television brought WuFei's thoughts to the opponent who recently defeated him. He growled something about Chun-Li and climbed into the limo. Duo climbed in with Quatre, chatting incessantly about items for sale on HSC. Trowa followed stoically. Relena grasped Heero's good arm before he could enter the car.  
  
Relena: Heero, thank you for saving me from VonVamp.again. I really do appreciate everything you do for me.  
  
He nodded and started to enter the car before she pulled him back. He almost looked annoyed when he suddenly found her lips pressed against his. He was entirely startled and for the first time ever, had no clue as how to proceed. But the instant was gone and Relena smiled up at his shocked expression. She climbed into the car and joined Quatre and Duo's conversation. Heero remained outside the car, still bewildered.  
  
Duo: Hey man! You gettin' in or not? I'm hungry!  
  
Heero blinked a couple more times then climbed slowly into the limo. The car pulled away from the empty lot and drove off into the sunset.  
  
Quatre: Wasn't it night when we got here?  
  
* * *  
  
The entire cast including Threnody and Amy were gathered in the Room, wearing their formal outfits. The mingled and laughed, drinking Cherry 7- Up and enjoying the end of-I mean success of yet another fic.  
  
Threnody: Thank you dear reader for sticking through till the end. It was an entirely random and crazy ride. I do hope you enjoyed it. Feel free to review about how you loved it or hated it! Oh, and if you're going to MST it, let me know. I'd love to read it. Ja ne!  
  
Everyone blew a big kiss at the Reader. Except Heero, Trowa or WuFei. They were promptly glomped and tickled. 


End file.
